Rec League
by manzanita84
Summary: This is an imagined episode of The Office sometime after Jim and Karen break up, and Ron Swanson and Ann Perkins make an appearance as paper clients of Dwight. Also included is a reimagining of the show's best intro when Jim puts all of Dwight's belongings in the vending machine.


A/N: This crossover episode of The Office takes place around the time of season 4 after Jim's ex-girlfriend Karen has left the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin. It incorporates characters from Parks and Recreation.

-Intro-

"You know, Dwight, they're selling beet chips in the vending machines now," Jim says. "You should probably go check that out."

Dwight, assistant to the regional manager of the Scranton, Pennsylvania, branch of Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company, crazed look in his eyes, ran to the break room. There the beet chips sat. One package left. It was nearly the only thing in the machine.

Dwight reached for his wallet, but it wasn't in his usual back pocket.

"Damn you, Jim. You did it again. And this time with the only possible thing I would buy from what is normally a garbage can."

There it was, two rows down from the beet chips.

"How are you going to buy those chips?" Jim asks.

Dwight fumed.

Jim pulled a dollar from this wallet, punched in B6, and walked away with the beet chips.

-Theme music-

"Hello, Mr. Swanson. Dwight Schrute, assistant to the regional manager, Dunder-Mifflin Paper. I'd like to interest you in the finest paper money can buy… Well, I also agree it's absurd you would use paper money to buy paper… You still need paper to do business, though… You mean to tell me a recreation department doesn't use paper?... Then what did you print all of those silly soccer sign-up fliers on? What is soccer anyway?... I know, right!... Since we're in agreement, I'll tell you that I took those fliers down… Wait, what? But I thought you said soccer was a sport for men who couldn't make the women's junior varsity football team?"

"We paid good money for those!" came through the phone. Click.

"He hung up. Wow. That guy was really upset," Dwight says to Jim at the adjacent desk. "Took down some fliers. Did him a favor. Parks and recreation director. What a loser. You would think keeping little idiots from signing up for soccer would save him loads of headaches down the road."

"You know, Dwight, soccer is played by millions, maybe even billions of people around the world," Jim says.

"My family, proud Germans that we are, escaped Germany in a U-Boat to get away from fußball only to find out it had an even stupider name over here."

-later in the episode; 5 p.m.-

"It's five o'clock somewhere!" Manager Michael Scott emerges from his office blaring and singing the Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet song. Everyone in the office responds with groans and eye rolls, even Meredith who reaches for a bottle of vodka in the bottom drawer of her desk.

Dwight, on the other hand, darts his eyes from side to side and pockets a pair of scissors. Conspicuously trying to seem inconspicuous, Dwight quickly leaves the office.

-cut to a recreation park-

Dwight hops a four-foot chain-link fence while a team of 8-year-olds practice soccer, runs to ball and picks it up, punting it well over the fence and into the woods.

Then he makes a beeline for the goal, whips out the scissors from his pocket, and cuts a giant hole in the middle of the net.

He runs maniacally, yelling "das sterben" (death) at the top of his lungs as the players and coaches look on, dumbstruck.

-later in the episode-

A middle-aged man of average height and stocky build with a full mustache walks into the Dunder-Mifflin office. A resolute look affixed to his face, he asks the receptionist, Pam Beesly, "May I speak with Dwight Schrute, please?" He's accompanied by a younger woman, one of his colleagues.

"Sure," Pam says, pointing across the office. "He's right there."

The man, eyes wide and appearing to bulge from his face, runs full speed at Dwight, tackling him to the ground and choking him.

"First you steal my fliers, and then you cut my nets!" he yells at Dwight.

"So you're Swanson!" Dwight gasps.

"That's me! Ron Swanson!"

"You're a burly man," Dwight says. "You're more fierce than the bears I've fought!"

Ron instantly releases Dwight.

"You wrestle bears, too?" Ron asks.

He helps up Dwight from the floor. They stand face to face.

"Yes," Dwight says awestruck. "It's one of the only competitions worthy of my time."

"Agreed," says Ron. "Of all the sports we support down at the city building, well, none of them are worth my time. I suppose you have done me a favor, cutting that net. But it's the principle that I not let your deed go unpunished. Now that I've roughed you up, I think we can call this even."

He looks over to the woman he came in with. "Ann, thanks for coming over here with me."

Everyone in the office turns to Ann with a look of shock. She looks exactly like Karen Fillipelli, a saleswoman who recently left the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton branch.

"No no no. I'm not Karen. She's my twin sister, and I've heard everything about this branch from her. It's everything I've ever expected. It's absolutely bleeped up," says Ann Perkins, new health department director for Scranton. "You know, Ron, we should just apply for our old jobs back in Pawnee before they fill them. I should have listened to Karen. This place has more problems than Jean-Ralphio."

She turns to Jim. "Hey Jim. You're an bleephole."

"Yeah," Ron says with eyes laser-focused on Dwight. "This place needs a little more government intervention than I can morally support."

Ron and Ann leave.

Dwight looks into the camera and in a low voice says: "I've wrestled teddy bears away from little kids who put up more of a fight than that guy."


End file.
